one final plea...

As I take a break from packing in order to massively update my ipod, I wanted to request one final plea from all of you before I go insha'Allah... Allahu `Alim if I die on my journey or on my way back... and if I do, insha'Allah I will rest assured that as a hadith states, (totally paraphrasing) A person who dies before he/she returns home from a journey to attain sacred knowledge, he/she dies as a martyr. SubhanAllah, in Islam, we know that those who die as a martyr will insha'Allah attain heaven! But my final plea to you all insha'Allah is the same plea that the blessed Shaykh [loosely translated as a religious teacher/scholar/guide] Muhammad al-Ya`qoubi (may Allah preserve him and grant him the highest state of Heaven!) made at last year's Rihla: if you see me crossing the sirat [a bridge over the blazing Hellfire that Muslims believe everyone, after the Day of Judgment, will have to cross in order to enter Heaven] and I am crawling to get over, please help me along the way! Insha'Allah may us all swiftly and quickly pass over the sirat-al-Mustaqeem in order to be with all the Prophets (peace be upon them all)!! Ameen!

one more day in Cali....

Assalam `Alaykum ya alls!
`Alhamdulillah I have one more day in Cali! I don't think I will be able to sleep tomorrow night! Please everyone insha'Allah pray for the sisters who are coming from Canada as their passports were not stamped with the visa to enter Saudi! Unfortunately, the organizers just told them they will have to delay their flights and leave on August 3rd (which is a day after the program actually starts)! Insha'Allah may Allah make the rest of their journey easy for them and may He reward them for their patience and struggle inshaAllah! Ameen!
I can only imagine how these sisters may be feeling right now. I know that even when I was reading the e-mail that had a list of those who had their visas approved and stamped from the U.S., my heart was racing just so I could see my name. What was even worse was that I was checking my e-mail on my blackberry (this cool gadget that work has provided such that we can use it to check work email wherever we go, and make any work related phone calls), and I was scrolling down the list to see my name, and just when I clicked so it could go to the next page, the phone stopped working because my battery was too low! So I had to wait in anticipation until I got home to check my e-mail just to see that my name was on the list, and alhamdulillah it was! I know that I would be devastated if I found out that I didn't get my visa and that I would have to wait and be missing part of the program! So insha'Allah may we all keep these sisters in our dua` [prayers]!
Alhamdulillah today my boss had a division retreat at her house for us (there's about 8 girls who work in the department I work in), and I realized how trully blessed I am to be working with such genuine individuals and I really am spoiled for this to have been my first career-job after finishing school. I can only pray that everyone else is able to work with such sincere and good-hearted people who you truly enjoy working with and can learn from their goodness! My boss treated us out to manicures/pedicures and we ended the day with going in her pool (or just putting feet in)! [This was after the fact that we spent a morning going over our division's values and doing some team-building exercises.. so yes we did work!]
Anyway, I have been making some "goodbye" phone calls, and I never realized how hard it would be. I'm not good at saying goodbye, and inshaAllah this is more like a "see you later" deal, but in all reality, I've had soooo many feelings emerge inside of me this past week, and these feelings just enumerate immensely on their own as minutes go by. SubhanAllah just to reflect on the past and learn from those lessons and I pray to continue to dedicate (yet increase in my dedication of course) my life to working for Allah. As the hadith goes, Allah wants us to take advantage of 5 things before 5 things, one of which being our youth before our old age. I've also been thinking that seriously we should be living every day as if it is our last; rather, every second as if it is our last. We should constantly be repenting for our sins and constantly be improving ourselves and be watchful of our actions and what we say, what we see, what we listen to, etc... such that we are not afraid to die because of our wrong actions/deeds! We should yearn to meet our Lord; so really, what have we prepared for it? The asahaba [companions of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him] and many true believers die/have died with a smile on their face; why? Because at that point when they're dying is where they know where they are going to go inshaAllah--either to Heaven or to Hell-- and at that point they can die having faith that their struggle will now be rewarded by meeting their Lord and inshaAllah going to Heaven! I can only pray that I too die in this state, uttering the shahada [testament of faith that there is no God but God and that the Prophet Muhammad is his last and final Messenger] as my last words, and yearn to return to Allah!
SubhanAllah I can only pray that my `umrah [lesser pilgrimage] be accepted and insha'Allah if it is, it is known that you return with your sins forgiven. Insha'Allah may this happen so it's like we're starting off with a clean slate in a sense. SubhanAllah just to think that if we knew what we know now (not to say we really know anything because there's soooo much more we need to learn about this beautiful faith!) when we were born... how much we would have done differently. So now, it's like inshaAllah after returning from hajj/umrah, our hearts are pure, and we better give our ownselves the due justice our soul deserves!
One more day you guys... one more day.... insha'Allah.....

alhamdulillah!

Assalam `alaykum everyone!!
Jazakum Allahu khayran ["May Allah reward you with goodness" basically another way of saying thank you] to those who prayed for me that I am able to get my visa!!! Alhamdulillah the organizers said that our visas have been issued and they should be awaiting us in New York on Sunday! As I've stated in a previous blog, we all know that the road to Mecca is not easy! It's like we have to take these little tests of patience in stride and think "subhanAllah Allah is testing me just so I can keep on renewing my intention" and the greater the struggle, the greater the reward!!! =)
Subhan'Allah just to think that our struggle is nothing compared to how people have struggled throughout history and even now... those people coming from third world countries or just developing nations. I mean alhamdulillah we get to travel in air conditioned planes, stay at luxury hotels, and not have to ride some camel or horse! Think about how people used to traverse across the desert for days on end (maybe even months on end!) just so they can perform their pilgrimages!! SubhanAllah! However, this is also a great test! We have to be sure we perform it correctly so it is accepted!
Thank you all once again, and inshaAllah please continue to pray that I handle the rest of the journey well!

Visa drama

Assalam `alaykum!
So I'm asking everyone to please pray for me and the other students attending the Rihla insha'Allah. Turns out that the organizers are having some drama with Saudi in terms of obtaining visas for women who will be traveling without mahrams. This was supposed to be waived since we're going in such a big group, and we also had a mahram sign a letter for us stating we can go, but apparently it's taking awhile longer than anticipated. If this isn't resolved within the next day, we may just be getting our passports, visas, AND plane ticket to Saudi when we arrive in New York! Isn't that crazy? SubhanAllah, talk about DST (Desi Standard Time)! So please pray that Allah facilitates this process for us otherwise I think we will be stuck in New York waiting or not being able to go!!!
Alhamdulillah though... just a test of our patience...

1 week...

Assalam `alaykum!
It's been awhile since I have posted, but time has really been flying, subhan'Allah. For the past couple of weeks, I have been doing a lot of reading and lecture-listening in preparation for my trip. After work everyday, I've either been going to Target (Tarjet! =)), Victoria Gardens, or some other store to get the things I need-- rather what I think I will "need."
As time has gone by, this trip has become more and more real to me. Yesterday, my family had some company over and my brother shared many of the official Rihla pictures taken by a sister last year. He started to recount some of the stories that were shared by the blessed shuyukh (may Allah preserve them all), and told us about the various trips we would take. As he shared these wonderful memories, I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes-- out of sincere awe and excitement to inshaAllah be there and experience them myself, but also out of wonder as to why I have been selected to participate in this year's Rihla. I'm not even there yet (and insha'Allah please pray that I do have a safe trip, because if Allah still does not will me to be there, I won't get there). I don't deserve such a trip like this, but I am so truly grateful of being accepted.
As much as I try to prepare myself logistically in terms of buying proper clothing to stand the intense heat, shoes to endure the hiking, and medication to fight all those horror story illnesses that people get from bad food and water, it's difficult to try not to let these things get to me. Alhamdulillah that people have warned me and this allows me to better prepare, but I sincerely want to focus on meeting the Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) and on performing `umrah insha'Allah.
I've thought about how amazing the shuyukh are to sincerely want to be a part of this trip again and to share not even like 1% of their immense knowledge with us (and that 1% is amazing by itself!), and inshaAllah how great the company will be of the fellow sisters and brothers allowed to go on this trip. Whenever I have gone to some deen intensive, I always admire the sisters I've interacted with because of their genuineness, their knowledge, and just being able to share the epiphanies we have on a daily basis. There is great benefit in surrounding yourself with good company, and I am definitely looking forward with spending about 4 weeks with my sisters in Islam.
This past year, as many of you know, has been a trying time for me. Alhamdulillah it's taken me awhile to learn a lot, and recently I've critically looked at my life. I started to take a look at how I've gotten to the point I am at in my life, what I'm currently doing, and insha'Allah where I want to go. With all the things going on in the world, especially in the Middle East, I know I'm truly blessed, but this blessing is also a big test that brings on a lot of responsibility. The struggle many of us in the U.S. go through is nothing compared to what people go through in other countries where all they see is fighting, being denied education, being unrightfully thrown out of their homes. But I do know that Allah tests us according to what we can handle, and subhanAllah just to think that we are all going through tests for the sake of bettering ourselves inshaAllah and also to gain the pleasure of Allah-- so really only WE have something to gain from it. We are here to serve and worship Allah through various means He has provided for us, and He has nothing to gain from it because He has and could have anything He wanted. SubhanAllah how we beg for His bounty OUT of the bounty He's given us!
Recently, I've had somewhat of a big reality check that has hit me in which I've thought about how much I want to change and I've re-evaluated some of the goals I've had and currently started picking up the pace in accomplishing/working on them. I think Allah has truly given me this amazing blessing by allowing me to embark on a journey to Mecca and Madinah. I feel like a lot of my weaknesses and gazillion shortcomings have been exposed, but alhamdulillah now I know exactly what some of the things are that I need to work on. Someone once told me that we can never be sure that we can come back from this trip changed, we may gain a new consciousness, but what makes us think we can change? I pondered my answer to this question because often we naturally think that we will go on a trip to Mecca and Madinah and will return a different person. I know that people are tested when journeying to Mecca, but the true test is when a person comes back. A sign of an accepted `umrah or hajj is that a person returns changed in a better way. I can only pray that this happens, but at the same time, I have to make sure it does! If anyone can come back from such an amazing trip not having changed, then when can we ever change?
I have so many plans inshaAllah when I come back, that I realize the true test is when I do return. We often learn so much, which is the easy part; the hard part is coupling the knowledge with action.
I know that many of you have expressed the desire to want to go to the Rihla in the future or wished you could have gone, I am asking you all to help me. This blessing of going is an immense responsibility that I need your help with to fulfill-- what I mean is that knowledge will be graciously bestowed upon me (inshaAllah!) that I will be held accountable for sharing and implementing. I don't want the experience to just be everlasting memories, I want this to be something I can relive each and everyday through my actions, through a change (improvement inshaAllah) in character, and through my relationships with each and every one of you for the sake of Allah, and His sake alone.
I am yet to obtain my visa as well as plane ticket from NY to Saudi as the organizers are having some drama, so please pray that this process is completed soon as I am leaving to NY early Sunday morning inshaAllah. I know that there will continue to be many struggles along the way, so please keep me in your du`as that Allah grants me the strength and patience for my travels for His sake. I am not worthy of this opportunity nor am I even worthy of all of your friendships to share these experiences with because you all are wonderful people I have learned so much from.
I am sincerely asking all of you to forgive me as I know that I don't have what even comes close to the best character, and I probably have offended you all in some fashion. Please don't take this lightly, and I am asking this with pure genuineness, and as a humble servant of Allah insha'Allah. Please forgive me of my faults and please pray for me that Allah forgives me as well.
1 more week you all!