Flee to Allah!

Assalam Alaykum folks!
InshaAllah you are all doing well and are in a high state of taqwa!
Sooooo I know many of you have been waiting for me to post up some lecture notes, but I realized a couple of things:
1) I have 2 journals/notebooks of notes and it may take forever and a day to type up and I’ve been heavily decreasing the amount of time I spend on the computer
2) My notes do not do the classes ANY justice whatsoever, and my notes may not be 100% accurate to what the shuyukh had said. So out of respect for them and the fact that I don’t want to be held accountable for having given bad/wrong information, I rather be on the safe side.
3) Let’s have a halaqa so we can go over them! Khadeeja and I started our own halaqa, and if you’d like to join email me! We are very flexible with times and days. Since she and I live so close to each other, it’s easy for us to meet quite frequently (before she gets married at least! =))

Instead, I’d like to provide just a couple of highlights from classes! Honestly, much of the classes have been things we’ve all heard, but honestly this rihla has been not only a life-changing experience, it’s really changed my heart. Knowledge here may resonate within us in our rationale minds and brains, but for it to be resounding in the heart is what makes the HUGEST difference alhamdulillah. Insha’Allah may Allah allow me to increase in this feeling in my heart that is SO indescribable. As Imam al-Ghazali has said, how can you describe the sweetness of honey? It’s only through experience that you can truly know something’s essence!

Ok so enough blabbing, here’s some highlights from Imam Zaid’s first class which was an introduction to the rihla!

Rihla means journey—and we are journeying to Allah—this is a lifelong hijra!
The prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salaam has said “Exist in this world as a stranger or wayfarer.” (Sahih Bukhari)

So, what does this really mean? We know that this world is a prison for the believer while the disbeliever thinks this is as good as it gets or it can’t get any worse.

What are the qualities of a stranger/wayfarer?
1) No attachment of the heart to the place visiting
2) The wayfarer only takes what is essential for the journey
3) When we relocate, we ship the heavy stuff first
4) You don’t involve yourself in local disputes/controversy
5) You are not concerned with the personal business of the residents
6) Don’t establish extensive contacts; only with those who are necessary for the journey
7) Stay away from getting arrested; obey the local laws

Imam Zaid stated (and I believe he was continuing the hadith but I’m not 100% sure), truly this is the parable of the believer.
Why should we get attached to this world when we know we will soon have to depart from it? The more we are attached to a thing, the harder it is to leave it. So, don’t have love for this dunya, only love Allah and He will be what you strive for, and you will look forward and yearn to the meeting with Him insha’Allah ta’ala!

The best thing to take on this lifelong journey is taqwa!!! (God consciousness)

What are the heavy things we ship away first? Our deeds! We’ve done our actions and have spoken, but the rewards and punishments for these remain. Insha’Allah may we speak less and be watchful of what we say (after all if we had taqwa this would be achieveable!), this way the heavy things shipped first are our GOOD deeds!!

Let’s keep our hearts unattached from another person’s personal business; avoid anything that doesn’t benefit us from getting into paradise!

Who are our good contacts necessary for this journey? Righteous scholars and friends who will only benefit us (benefit meaning bringing us closer to Allah). After all, “Be mindful of Allah and be amongst those who are righteous.”

Obey Allah’s laws because this land is His! Fulfill rights of the people in it and our own bodies! Be careful of oppressing your own self.

There are 2 additional qualities of a stranger:
1) humility: we don’t desire exaltation or authority. If we are given it, know that it is a means to be tested and if this is what we get, have taqwa and do the best you can.
a. People in this society vie for this world; but believers know not to try to own power because Allah is in power of everything.
b. To humble oneself is a way to be on a path to paradise, so welcome Allah’s guidance!!!
2) Taqwa: this is more than God consciousness. (SubhanAllah this is only the FIRST step which is so hard to achieve at that!) It is also about the readiness to implement this!!! Be grateful for the blessings bestowed upon you and look forward to the bounties reserved for the next life! There is a story related of how Aisha (ra) would never even want to be thanked in this life because she wanted the reward for her good deeds to be saved for the next life! SubhanAllah!

The hijra the prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salam was rooted in love! He cried from leaving Makka, the blessed city of his birth, but he knew that Allah desired him to live in Madinah. People who are successful in religion are those who love Allah!

*Move from that which is hated to that which is loved (by Allah) or from that which is loved to that which is loved MORE!* SubhanAllah our journey even leaving things is within our journey to Allah! How many times have we heard the hadith that we may like a thing bad for us, and dislike a thing good for us, but we should know that if our hearts are truly in love for Allah, our hearts and our selves will find satisfaction! Know that everything we leave is created from Allah and everything we move to is from Allah!

SubhanAllah this made me remember supplications of Ibn Ata’ullah! He would say (badly paraphrasing) “My Lord! I call you in a state of need because I am always in need of You. I call upon you from the words You have bestowed upon me. I ask You of Your bounty from YOUR bounty!....” subhanAllah we should know that EVERYTHING, even the blessing that we THINK this way is ONLY from Allah!

Don’t fear anyone but Allah! Allah says “Don’t fear them (meaning people or things), fear Me!” Fear facilitates control and Who do we KNOW is in control?

“FLEE to Allah”!!! We shouldn’t take our time subhanAllah! We need to FLEE to him and through this we flee from Allah as well because we’re leaving that which is also from Allah. THIS is the essence of tawheed! Allah’s will has brought us to what we flee to and what we flee from. There is a du`a that I believe the prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salam would say (don’t quote me on that!) that goes something like this “I seek refuge with Your pleasure from Your anger and I seek refuge from You from Yourself and I could never praise You enough from the praise of You.” SUBHANALLAH! This is the true essence of tawfiq—the ability to worship which is what Allah gives to us!

The physical rihla we went on consisted of two things: 1) the journey to the messenger of Allah sallalahu `alayhi wa salaam as well as 2) the journey to the house of Allah subhana wa ta`ala!

Ok so I’m ending the highlights of the notes from the first class here, and this begins my daily rantings…. So I’ve always pondered over the meaning of love for the sake of Allah. I thought I had it figured it out but I realized on this trip that I probably either wasn’t right or there’s SOOO much more to it. I think even now I only (inshaAllah) have like 5% of its true essence, but I know that it’s such a beautiful thing because I’m telling you—what’s resonated in my heart has been SOO SOO powerful and SO beautiful, subhanAllah I can not express it. I can’t help but smile all the time now (I must look like a dork but whatever!) knowing that subhanAllah Allah has granted us with SO SOOO much and we should really NEVER be sad (for very long at least because there’s such BEAUTY even in going through trials, and you can’t help but be happy knowing Allah is helping YOU and is thinking of YOU!). Even when there is a trial that afflicts us, we should know that this was destined by ALLAH! We know that when we make mention of Him in a gathering, He makes mention of us in a gathering greater! When we come to him walking, He comes to us RUNNING! SubhanAllah to EVEN think that ALLAH is THINKING of us and MENTIONING us amongst the angels or amongst the righteous prophets peace be upon them all!

The prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salam has said that “None of you truly believes until I am more beloved than his father, his son, and all of humanity” (Sahih Bukhari). InshaAllah may Allah help us to love Him and love His beloved more than ANYTHING including our own selves! Insha’Allah let us seek refuge in Him from the accursed shaytan and from the weaknesses of our lower nafs!

So as you read this blog throughout the days, I would like for everyone to really journey on this rihla to Allah! The way the physical rihla was set up facilitated this love for the prophet (saw) through the classes at Jeddah that somewhat prepared us (I don’t know if anything could have made us REALLY prepared to meet the best of creation!) to go to Madinah, and being there helped us to go to Mecca where the house of Allah is! So everything was in preparation (on an analogous scale) that we would be meeting the prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salam, and then having our great meeting with Allah (where His house is)! The natural progression of the physical rihla instilled the love along this same progression—knowing that we have to love the prophet (saw) (and I realized through coming to gain knowledge of him (saw) and what he’s done for us, you can’t help but NATURALLY love him and yearn for being with him in jannah!) and that we love Allah more than anyone and anything! (I know we hear this SO much, but seriously… feeling it resonate in your heart truly is SOMETHING else! I know that all of you are such amazing people that you probably have all felt/feel this, but seriously I never had these feelings in me before as much as I thought I did!)

I was thinking about explaining what I’ve felt about the essence of love for Allah, but I’d like to hold off on explaining my thoughts/feelings until I get a little more progressed with my notes in this blog… insha’Allah I will save it until we discuss Shaykh Hamza’s classes on The Alchemy of Happiness by Imam Ghazali!

And Allahu Alim… Allah knows best!

more pictures

Assalam alaykum folks! I don't have very much time to write and inshaAllah will write more tomorrow, but I just wanted to share some more pictures...

The grave of Eve (Hawa ra!) How Saudis know this.. I have no clue. But subhanAllah to think that out of nowhere in Jeddah is the grave of the second person alive!
After fajr classes with Imam Zaid!This picture looks like it was taken further than it really was...

It kind of says Allah in Arabic in the sky... but then again my eyes are bad...

Touring in Jeddah- one of the many adorned camels to give beach-goes (rather Red Sea visitors) a ride
I don't think I'll be able to forget the driving men do in Saudi. I would never be able to survive there. I thought I was pretty assertive considering we have lovely LA traffic, boy was I wrong! It's amazing that they don't have many accidents and I am yet to figure out how drivers know who is honking at whom when EVERYONE seems to be honking! Oh and you see some faint lines indicating lanes?--- It didn't matter, no one really followed them! Ah.. memories!

Pictures!

Finally some pictures!!! I couldn't upload a bunch onto one posting so I'm breaking them up...

Above: Shaykh Hamza is my mahram!!! (yes I get amused by the littlest things...=))

Praying maghrib at the airport

Waiting at JFK-- doesn't the background look like bulletproof windows? Scary!

My ugly $45 shoes. I bought these shoes (which btw look much better without socks!) just for this trip. They're made out of mesh and are bendable. Alhamdulillah they worked out pretty well when we embarked on some trips. Unfortunately, I was a tad bitter when I found out my sister got the same EXACT shoes from Kohl's for a measley $10. Alhamdulillah... I contributed to whoever made those shoes at Skechers I suppose.... =)

July 31st: in Jeddah at Al-Harthy Hotel

Okay so I'm inshaAllah uploading more pics from my time spent in Jeddah. Below is my journal entry from July 31st. I hope that many of you are writing down your own goals, as I did, throughout reading this blog. My hope was that all of you could feel just a little bit of what I felt and are able to virtually experience the tours and lecture as I provide some reflections and inshaAllah insight on what I gained. I'm not including everything from my journals, as some things are really personal, but I am including a significant amount. Please forgive me for my shortcomings and my often lack of depthness in explaining things, as sometimes, certain things are very difficult to explain, let alone fathom. Khayr inshaAllah, here's the journal entry followed by some more pointers of how we can implement things. Oh by the way, to all you readers, feel free to drop some comments! I would love to hear any insight that you alls have, or any suggestions/comments! If you have any questions, feel free to ask as well, and inshaAllah I will try my best to answer them!

Alhamdulillah we made it to Jeddah. After a night of going in and out of sleep, we stepped off the plane old school style by going down stairs, taking a shuttle, and then entering the actual airport. SubhanAllah I could feel the intense heat just by exiting the airplane, but alhamdulillah there was a breeze! I could already sense the culture shock many had warned me of, as all the sisters were loading their heavy suitcases onto carts as Saudi airport workers sat and did nothing; rather, they actually watched us! What happened to the beauty of brotherhood and sisterhood that's in our beautiful deen? The customs process didn't take very long, although I wondered what the worker was thinking-- I mean c'mon there were about 30 US girls whose mahram was Shaykh Hamza Yusuf! [I took a picture of this to upload-- I will inshaAllah forever have in my passport that Hamza Yusuf was my mahram!] We loaded our air conditioned buses, and Imam Zaid and his wife ended up being on the same bus as me! We tried overhearing his conversation with some of the Rihla organizers, but to no avail. I looked in the sky and tried letting things sink in-- I had finally made it to Saudi alhamdulillah, and subhanAllah, I faintly saw "Allah" written in Arabic! I remembered the clear picture a sister had taken upon her return from the rihla at which time she saw Allah very distinctly captured in the sky.
I tried to get Lynn to ask Imam Zaid a question we had-- whether or not our first du`as upon seeing the ka`bah are only granted on the very first visit, or if it happens upon every visit. Unfortunately, none of us had the courage to ask, but she later found out that alhamdulillah, it's upon every visit! However, I knew no matter what- especially the first visit would be sooooo amazing! It was a 30 minute bus ride from the airport to the hotel, where we were welcomed with very sweet mango tang-- something that would be appearing at every meal with our food. Before I delve into that, it was interesting to observe the scenery while on the bus ride from the airport. Shops had names written both in Arabic and in English; shops of the same genre are clumped together (I wondered whether or not monopolies existed in this country? I understand that in America, gas stations tend to be close together, as are fast food restaurants where these places compete for their customers). I remembered stories of how business would go back in the day in Madinah where store-owners would fulfill a certain quota of selling goods that would provide enough money that sufficed their families of basic food, clothing, and shelter. At which time, they would close for the day so that other business owners would be able to also have their share of earnings-- subhanAllah only under Islam would that happen! I noticed a lot of people- predominantly male-- taking breaks either from selling or buying to congregate to pray! This was so beautiful and this was my first taste of how beautiful it would be to live in a Muslim country.
I originally thought Jeddah would be a safe place to venture out in, seeing how there were even many niqabis with children out without a man. We later found out that Jeddah is like the New York of Saudi, thus, none of us were allowed to go out of the hotel, especially those without mahrams. Shaykh Hamza was our mahram and many of us joked around that as soon as he came, he should escort us out so we can all buy niqabs. He had to stay back in the U.S. until his sister's visa was approved.
We arrived at the hotel at around 8 in the evening. I was paranoid of drinking the juice as I realized water was mixed in it. I've heard about a lot of horror water drinking experiences in third world countries, and although Saudi is not 3rd world, I still wanted to be careful. However, seeing that I was really thirsty and my body needed some sugar, I decided to have a couple of sips. We then got our room keys, sorted out the drama of being able to stay with my sister (which we later had to finish), and then went down for dinner. Alhamdulillah the food and dessert selection was good (nothing like what we've eaten at normal deen intensives); rather it was buffet style with a wide array of American and European style desserts, and American and desi style entrees. My sister had warned me about eating fruits and vegetables that could have been cut without prior washing, so I avoided eating all the healthy stuff basically. Little did I realize that it's when I really can't have it, that I actually want to eat it! Although we were able to steer clear of eating "suspicious" foods and drinks, I later found out that our soda had ice in it! We can only pray that we don't get sick. After dinner, I took a shower and went to sleep at about 12 or 1 AM. I couldn't really tell as for some reason, there are no clocks in the hotel room, let alone irons! But there's a qibla sign! I guess people over here just know the time depending on when they hear the adhaan. I wondered-- is it bi`dah to use clocks? (just kidding) The bathroom was an interesting site-- a toilet and then an extra toilet-looking sink to wash oneself in-- what was the point of 2 different things? I don't really know.
I got up for fajr at 4:30 in the morning upon a wake up call, prayed and went back to bed because I was so tired from the jet lag, and from being awake practically the whole night, and there wasn't a morning class so I got away with sleeping. My brother called at around 6 AM and my sister picked up-- but boy was that early to call! I don't really know what they conversed about, and quite frankly, I don't think my sister made any sense. Anyway, we were supposed to eat breakfast at 7 AM, but none of us got up! We slept till noon, got ready for lunch, and then a quick orientation session. Shaykh Muhammad al-Yaqoubi isn't here either! Alhamdulillah though, we were able to pray and rest, and 2 ghetto buses were going on a tour of Jeddah, so I decided to catch it. We left at about 5 PM, and it was comedy.... no one follows the lanes on the road, there's honking galore (and I don't know how people know who's honking at whom), a LOT of McDonald's and Burger Kings... Jeddah is next to the Red Sea and we were able to swing by the beach to observe highly decorated camels that were adorned to give rides for people as their leisure beachwalk activity-- that and ATV riding. (and if you know me, you know that I have always wanted to go ATV riding! what's the proper name for it again? oh yeah.. sand duning... whatever). I was sitting in the front of the bus and tried conversing with our Bangladeshi driver. I busted out with my broken Urdu but it didn't work. Some of the sisters next to me also tried, but it wasn't flying well. Who would have thought that you go to Saudi thinking you realy need to know Arabic, and you end up needing to know Urdu! One of the uncles on our bus decided he would go up to sit in the driver seat and give us a tour of the city. So he convered with the driver in Urdu, and he translated in order to provide us with some comedy commentary! We ended up taking a lot of pictures of masajid (even a decapitation masjid-- gross!), one of the prince's palaces, and lo and behold.. the grave of Eve (Hawa ra)!! How Saudis know she's buried here remains a mystery to me, but subhanAllah! We weren't able to get out anywhere, but we appreciated having this tour. Hey we even got to see a Chuck-E-Cheese and other western influenced stores. It was kind of sad seeing the effects of globalization-- especially with all the "drama" depicted on TV of how Middle East Muslims "see" and "feel" towards the west. But I won't ellaborate on this just yet.
We reurned from the tour, prayed maghrib, and had dinner. The UK crowd and Canadians arrived alhamdulillah. We found out there is a change in the schedule for tomorrow since Shaykh Hamza and Shaykh Muhammad aren't here, but inshaAllah the other lectures start!

Things to implement:
1) Carry a masbahah/subh/tasbih/prayer beads (whatever you would like to call it) with you 24/7 (yes even in your sleep). Be in constant dhikr; don't lose a second. Having troubles going to sleep? Do dhikr! Insha'Allah this will help us such that dhikr is on our tongue, and eventually gets into our hearts and in our limbs such that on the day the Angel of Death takes our soul, we leave this world uttering the shahada and preaching the Oneness of our Lord: la illaha ill Allah!

2) Take yourself to account before you are taken to account: Every night, literally right down what you accomplished that day. Somehow mark areas in which you did something displeasing to Allah, times you wasted, or time that you would like to improve on. Reflect upon ways you want to improve and what you would like to do differently the following day. Insha'Allah this can help us become better people one day at a time, and also save us from being accountable of these things on the Day of Judgment. After all, follow up a bad deed with a good deed and it will wipe the previous deed away! Aren't Islam and Allah amazing?!

Coupling knowledge with action

So the real test has begun in terms of what we can carry on in the U.S. after somewhat hardcoring it in Madinah and Mecca. You say somewhat hardcoring it? I hear what we went through at the Rihla is nothing!
Here's a look at what a typical schedule looked like in Jeddah and Madinah:
Jeddah-
Tahajjud in your own time
5 AM Fajr jamaat (praying in congregation)
daily dhikr of Imam Haddad's wird and Surah Yasin
6AM Imam Zaid session on Discerning the Eyes' Delight (we went through a book written by Imam Abdullah Siraj-ud-Deen that details the Prophetic characteristics)
8 AM breakfast
10 Session 2 with Shaykh Abdullah al-Kadi on the Wives of the Prophet (sallalahu alayhi wa salaam) It was really cool because he integrated using Google earth with his sessions so we could actually see the historical sites he alluded to in his classes. I have to say this shaykh is soooo humble, no one could ever know how big of a man he is in Saudi.
11:30 Session 3 with Shaykh Hamza Yusuf (Shaykh Muhammad al-Yaqoubi was not able to make it to Jeddah because of visa issues, so Shaykh Hamza got to teach us a class on The Alchemy of Happiness by Imam al-Ghazali. This text isn't even translated into English, but subhanAllah it TOTALLY needs to be!)
We then had dhuhr and lunch and a break to nap in (and you better believe I napped!)
3:50 `Asr
4:30 Session with Shaykh Abdulillah bin Bayyah who taught classes on Seerah as well as Usool al-fiqh (these were some DEEP classes!)
7 Maghrib, dinner, isha
9 session with Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah

Alhamdulillah the sisters also got a list going to do a khatam of the Qur'an while we were in Jeddah.

It was difficult getting over the jet lag while really trying hard to stay awake in these classes because they were such amazing classes. I thought that alhamdulillah we would be able to get to sleep after the last session which would end at like 10:30 or so, but I soon found out that people like to party at night in Jeddah. My first night there, I awoke to a loud, thumping sound-- I thought I heard techno music, but I thought, wow I must be really tired. But then I thought, wait a minute? Why would I be imagining hearing techno music when I don't even listen to music? By this time I heard Sami Yusuf playing, and I realized that there was a wedding going on downstairs. I tried really hard phasing the music out, but hey when you can actually feel the music, it's pretty hard to catch some zzzs. The next day I realized everyone else who was on my side of the hotel also didn't catch any sleep because the Saudi women apparently put their children to bed, leave their homes, and start their weddings at like midnight and don't end until fajr... I guess that's their way of ensuring they stay awake until then. Unfortunately, we also found out that there would be a party at the hotel every night during our stay in Jeddah. I don't think this actually ended up happening, or maybe i was finally so exhausted that I no longer woke up to the music-- I don't really know.

Our schedule in Madinah:
3 AM Tahajjud at Masjid Nabawi
450 Fajr
5:30 daily field trips
9/10 (depending on how long it would take for us to get back) breakfast
12:30 dhuhr
1 lunch
3 sometimes we would have classes
3:50 asr
5 session with Shaykh Yaqoubi on Shifa of Qadi Iyad
7 maghrib
730 dinner
9 isha
9:30 session with Shaykh Yaqoubi
(this would also be the time when we would sing nasheed!!!)

so basically here's some things I wanted to share of what types of things we could implement in our daily lives that keep up with the things we did there:
1) try waking up for tahajjud at least once a week, then increase.
2) pray on time
3) do morning and evening dhikr
4) pray doha
5) read surah Yasin after fajr, sura Mulk after maghrib, and Surah Waqia after isha. Try doing a khatam of the Quran once a month.

the above are simply forms of ibadah that honestly I can say I feel have really helped put barakah in my time. With the help of Allah, anything is possible. We think time is going by fast, we think we don't have time for things, but really- we do, inshaAllah. And, Allah is with those who patiently perservere. Keep trying!

Journal entry: July 30th, 2006

Please note that these are my reflections from the beginning of the journey. We were in Jeddah from July 31st through August 8th I believe, at which time the schedule was intense with classes.....

On the plane from JFK to Jeddah:
My first journal entry inshaAllah on the way to the rihla! Everyone says the journey to the Haramayn is not easy... I've already had my fill alhamdulillah! This in no way is a means to complain, but just a way for me to remember that insha'Allah the struggle is worth it! I will begin my entry with waking up this morning. Alhamdulillah our flight to New York was leaving at 7 AM, meaning we had to arrive at LAX at 6 AM. Alhamdulillah I woke up at 3:30 and we made it on time to the airport. I couldn't help but shed tears when departing from my parents, especially my mother. She and my brother had accompanied us until we reached airport security, at which time they said only those with tickets could pass the gate. It was a quick goodbye because I didn't want to think that this very well may be the last time I saw her. InshaAllah it won't and I have prayed that I remain strong and for Allah to take care of me, especially because I wouldn't want my mom to worry.
On the plane, I opened up an envelope my brother had given to me that included a letter, his du`a list, and some money. I also read a letter that Khadeeja had given to me before I left that she also had said not to open until I embarked on my trip. Tears welled up in my eyes while reading these emotional and touching letters, but I told myself I wouldn't cry, and that insha'Allah I am going to blessed lands; it's something to be happy about, not sad.
After arriving in New York at 3:40 PM, my sister and I went to some random baggage claim downstairs that was awhile away from where we had exited. Our flight's luggage ended up at a carousel from San Juan, but alhamdulillah we got it.We then needed to walk from terminal 9 to terminal 2. Now, if any of you have been to JFK, it's really confusing and there's an Air Train that runs from terminals. So we took one, exited where we needed to and followed the signs to terminal 2; we ended up outside. Alhamdulillah we saw a group of Muslims from Michigan and decided to follow them. We made it to the Saudi terminal where we were greeted by our fellow Rihla-goers! I met Lynn and her mom and my old tajweed teacher from the Sister's Deen Intensive. A very kind brother helped us with our luggage. Alhamdulillah for this brother as carrying those suitcases was tiring! We waited in line to check-in our bags and I already felt like I was in a 3rd world country (although Saudi isn't 3rd world!). We're very used to self check-in lines, but Saudi Air had about 5 workers manually helping. It was really disorganized and I won't go into details but let's just say the line system doesn't fly with the Saudis. Anyway, alhamdulillah the organizers had arranged for us to have shawarma sandwiches, so we ate and mozied on over for a long walk to the departing gate. Imam Zaid and his wife were also in the group. We wished that he would give us a lecture on the plane, but none of us had the audacity to ask him. So we waited at the gate and encountered more familiar faces alhamdulillah. We waited for a couple of hours in the hot terminal. Our flights was supposed to leave at 9 PM but our plane didn't arrive until that time. Meanwhile my sister and I found out that our hotel rooms were different and we asked the organizers to do something, because after all, we were sharing toothpaste and shampoo! (that was sarcasm) A little after 11 PM, we were able to board the aircraft that was steaming hot! Apparently, their electricity was out on the plane and we all were sweating in desperation for us to finally leave so that the power would turn on and the AC would actually function. The sister next to me had converted a year ago and has been very positive mashaAllah. I've already come to admire her character. Anyway, Saudi Air is interesting. Alhamdilillah they read the du`a before travelling and have a prayer room in the back. It fits about 6 people comfortably. The plane is a double decker but I can't help but feel that the stuards don't have as much hospitality as Americans. I could tell at the airport too that the workers acted as if they were doing us a favor! SubhanAllah whatever happened to customer service? Anyways, there's a lot more to say besides what's happened thus far (although in reality the "struggles" have been nothing), but my eyes are closing and I'm ready to sleep!

first journal posting from the end of my trip

Assalam Alaykum folks,
So this is my third posting of today, but that's only because I seriously am in withdrawal already and am trying to refresh my memory of things. Ustadh Yahya Rhodus recommended that we all review our notes for the next 3 months at least, and inshaAllah then can they become a part of us. Part of this process also involves teaching it to others (so whoever is interested in having an Inland Empire based halaqa, let me know because it's already in the works of being planned insha'Allah!) Anyway, I am posting up my last journal entry from my airplane trip back from JFK to LA. I figured since this is a retroactive blog, I will start off with the most recent, but then jump to my first journal entry from Jeddah and then work myself back to now. (I don't know if that all just made sense.) Khayr insha'Allah. Here it is:

An Estranged and Torn Heart
On the plane ride back from New York to LA: August 24, 2006
Alhamdulillah the trip from Jeddah to New York went by pretty fast although it was 2 hours longer (making it over a 12-hr plane ride) than the plane ride to Jeddah. I slept for most of it, as I know all of us students were exhausted, ate, and walked around with Shazia a couple of times, especially since we noticed our feet were swollen. I also played with Yasin for sometime since he kept on taking over my seat. MashaAllah he is such a smart kid for a 2 ½ year old. May Allah bless him and guide him to work for His sake. Ameen.
All of the students were praying that we didn’t have any problems with customs and that we wouldn’t have problems with our immensely overweight luggage that was lugged down by the amount of shopping we all did (hey after all, Shaykh Hamza said shopping in Madinah was sunnah!) as well as with zam zam, or in my case—halal skittles! We arrived at JFK at about 9 AM, and by the time I got my luggage, it was 10 AM. I knew that I as well as many other students would probably be missing our connecting flights back home, but I wanted to try to catch my 11 AM flight. I was yet to go through customs, but alhamdulillah I had no problems there! I could tell that the barakah of being in a great group where all of us (inshaAllah) had a newfound light placed in our hearts and on our faces was responsible for such an easy process. I had to get to terminal 8 and 9 to catch my flight on American Airlines, and if any of you know JFK, it’s pretty huge! I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to anyone but alhamdulillah I have their contact information and I know that insha’Allah we will all reunite one day again, if not in this life, then in the next inshaAllah!
Pushing up that luggage on a hill wasn’t an easy task, but my sister and I finally made it to the terminal, but alas… it was 10:30 and it was too late to check into the 11 AM flight. The lady there who I believe is Muslim (an African American lady named Maeidah I believe) was so nice! She had a great demeanor and complemented my sister and I on our beautiful hijabs and she admired the way we were dressed—my sister had changed into jeans and a kameez, but I was still wearing an abaya. She helped me get onto the next flight which was leaving at 12:15 and although one of my bags weighed 55 pounds, she let me check it in without paying for the extra weight. Alhamdulillah I was good to go, and my sister left me to go on her way to New Jersey for a wedding.
I went on my way to gate 46, but I had to pass through security who caught a small bottle of zam zam in my backpack. The man stood there and watched me drink the whole thing down. I had asked him if it would be okay to take it with me as he had already seen me gulp down a few sips, but he commented that although he agreed with me, airport security required that no liquids be taken on the plane. I called my mom to tell her I was due to arrive at LAX at 3 pm, and then I was off to find some lunch food. There was a Starbuck’s close to the gate, but I realized I didn’t want the first thing I bought to be from the symbol of corporate America. Instead I went to Soho Bistro where I bought a pizza. I could immediately notice the big difference of being in the U.S. versus being in Saudi. Each place has its pros and cons. In America, I know that the customer service is great—people have smiles on their faces, they actually attend to you in the order in which a customer arrives, there’s actually female workers! Yet, it was so strange to once again see women wearing tank tops and shorts, men who weren’t wearing thobes, people who were not speaking in Arabic, Urdu, Turkish, Farsi. In America, there is freedom yet there is oppression; there are rights yet subtle and often blatant violation of these rights. In the U.S. we say thank you, your welcome, and smile, and have people who actually attend to our needs—especially when that is their job; yet where would I want to live? I’m not saying everything is all peachy in the U.S., but I know I have a sense of appreciation for some values. However, these values are the true ethics and moral character entailed in Islam as exemplified by the Prophet (peace be upon him).
I realized while I was in the busy array of the New York airport, that things would be different. I no longer will be hearing the adhaan (the call to prayer), iqama, the adhaan for tahajjud going off throughout the day, or pray in jamaat at Masjid Nabawi and at the Ka`bah—places where I knew I was surrounded by thousands of angels. I knew I was no longer in a place where I could be shopping one minute, hear the adhaan, cross the street and find myself praying with hundreds and thousands of my brothers and sisters in Islam. No more passing by Muslims non-stop and being in the 2 holiest sites—even if it was in a country that has a lot of problems (but then again what country doesn’t?), a country that doesn’t practice Islam the way it’s supposed to be.
I was back in a country where people do look at me weirdly, and where materialism and capitalism are rampant; but hey—this is where I live and this is where my responsibility lies. After all, as Imam Zaid said in his farewell session in Mecca, if no Muslim lived in the U.S., then how would he have ever entered into Islam?
I waited by the gate to board the plane, at which time a famous person from Sabrina the Teenage Witch was talking to the AA staff. I didn’t care. I called Samina and talked to her for just a little bit as I apologized to her that I didn’t call her on her birthday. I had been thinking about her immensely on the day that we traveled from Madinah to Mecca to go for `umrah, and I prayed for her. I couldn’t help but have tears well up in my eyes as I fondly talked to her about the rihla. I boarded the plane at 11:45 and ended up having a window seat all the way in the back. I asked the girl next to me whether or not she preferred the window seat, but she said she didn’t care. I tried sparking a conversation with her, but I didn’t want to bug her. I asked her if it would be ok if I ate the pizza I had purchased as I didn’t want the smell to annoy her, and she said yes, and I kindly shut up after that. Alhamdulillah though, Shehla and her husband were also on my flight, and I ended up switching seats so I could talk to Shehla. We had talked for over an hour about the rihla and our plans of implementing this knowledge, about what we’ll miss, etc.. It’s amazing to think we all run into each other for a reason and how this is all our rizq—the plan of Allah is simply unfolding and we are all here to let it play out.
I can’t help but feel like crying and that I didn’t take as much advantage of the trip as I could have, but it was a big learning experience as I had found out that although internal motivation was there, our bodies have our own limits. I knew that there were times where my body reached its ultimate physical exhaustion capacity and I sometimes felt like I was going to collapse. There were also times where I literally would rest my head in our air conditioned buses, and within a minute I would be off in la-la land dreaming! I realized that when embarking on such a trip, know that there is a lot of preparation required-mentally, spiritually, and physically. We need to control our nafs, we need to control our appetites, the amount of sleep we get, the amount of nutrients we eat, we have to prep ourselves trough ensuring that we’re praying on time, we’re doing morning and evening dhikr, etc… What makes us think that one day we’ll just automatically change? Change requires hard work and it requires sacrifice—but it’s not really sacrifice because it’s for the sake of Allah to help our own selves! It’s “sacrifice” for something greater—and we know that when we do this, Allah’s blessings are immense, and the amount of barakah he puts in our time is what makes anything possible.
I’m excited and also have a feeling of nerve-wreckedness (is that a word?)—there’s so much to do, there’s no time to waste. I know we have to be consistent with our actions, but do them right away. A sacrifice against our nafs for Allah is actually a blessing in disguise. I know that I had a lot of expectations of myself, but I should have never expected it, nor should I have ever assumed that I would have fulfilled them. I was aware of all the things that last year’s rihla group experienced so I had something to compare mine to, but without knowledge of last year, I would have been perfectly and whole-heartedly content, but alhamdulillah. Allah is great and verily we will all return to Him one day, but why don’t we return to Him sooner? Why wait for death for such a great meeting?
This was my first trip out of the country since I was 3 years old (at which time I had gone to Japan). I had imagined for sometime what it would be like to visit the blessed city of our Prophet (sallalahu alayhi wa salaam). We read and hear so much about the blessed cities of Madinah and Mecca, we hear the seerah of the Rasool peace be upon him. Before going on this journey, I was listening to Imam Anwar Awlaki’s cd set on the Life of Muhammad peace be upon him. However, all the things that could have ever prepared me for this trip couldn’t have ever really prepared me for what I was going into. When we had finally arrived to Madinah, I could see the masjid and the minarets in the distance. We all chanted “Labbayk Allahumma Labbayk!” and were reciting salawat on the prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salaam. Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t cry. I was speechless, and filled with immense gratitude for the blessing Allah had given me to come to my home. I couldn’t fathom that I had finally made it to the city where the Prophet peace be upon him, his amazing wives, and the wonderful companions lived, walked, fought and defended Islam, and died in. I can’t really explain everything I felt at that moment—I wouldn’t have been able to do it then nor can I do it now. I really don’t know how I could have walked in the same footsteps where the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salaam stepped in. I recalled some of the posts that I had read from last year’s rihla blog and I felt the same way as some of the sisters—speechless. I didn’t know how to handle everything nor what to do with myself sometimes as I knew that as much as I sat and reflected, I still couldn’t fathom the greatness of being in this holy land, where the dust is a shifa. This is the city that the beloved prophet peace be upon him prayed for so that the holiness could be double the amount of Mecca!
I couldn’t believe that I actually got to go to the Rawdah—Heaven on earth! We prayed at the mihrab where the prophet (peace be upon him) would give his sermons and where the tree that cried for the Rasool was hugged by him in order to calm it down. We spent hours there praying at the blessed pillars of Aisha (ra), and Abu Lubaba. The greatest thing of all was saying salaams to the Rasool (pbuh). Was I ready for that? I don’t know—how could I give my salaams to the most beloved of Allah? He sees the states we’re in, and I know I was so ashamed. He was the man who has prayed for his ummah, who has cried for his ummah, who continues to pray in his grave, who praises Allah when he hears of a Muslim doing a good deed, and seeks Allah’s forgiveness when it is made known that a Muslim has done a bad deed. He is the only person who will be worried about his ummah on the day of judgement where everyone will be concerned with only themselves. He is truly such a selfless man, and now I would be in front of him? I asked for his forgiveness for having taken so long to finally meet him, and I prayed that he would intercede on my behalf to Allah. A Saudi man led us through a du`a to read in front of the graves, and after saying salaams and reciting salawat, and calling upon the Rasool with blessed names, we declared the shahada in front of this Prophet who was appointed by Allah to spread this religion unto mankind. I can’t even fathom now how I could have said those words: Ashanduan La illaha ill Allah wa ashaduanna Muhammadan rasul Allah. Now I know that this is something that I no longer can only testify to by saying it, but it is something I need to live by.
There’s so much to say about my experiences, but all I can say now is that I have realized the true diseases of the heart that plague us all. And the struggle we have will always be there—it is a struggle, rather a rihla, of a lifetime. I can only pray that Allah guides me and brings me close to Him, and that I can use this one physical rihla (and insha’Allah more to come) in order to earn His pleasure, and seek His forgiveness for any act that I have done, or will do. He has given us a great key and we need to use it; that key is repentance.

Some pictures

I decided to share some pictures... I know many of you probably have already seen these sites, but insha'Allah they can constantly act as reminders of our blessed history as well as conjure up your own feelings upon your first experience seeing them....

Masjid an-Nabawi: the green dome; underneath it is where the blessed Rasool (sallalahu `alayhi wa salaam), Abu Bakr Siddiq (radiAllahu anhu), and Umar ibn al-Khattaab (radiAllahu anhu) are buried. This picture was taken on my last night in Madinah before giving my final salaams of this trip to the above mentioned.

One of the doors of Masjid Nabawi on the women's side. I believe this side is where the doors of Uthman bin Affan (ra) are.

Masjid Quba: more details on the significance of this masjid to come...
Above and below are more pictures of Masjid Nabawi. The one below is a picture taken from the bus after fajr, before we embarked on of the many field trips in Madinah al-Munawarrah.

The spiritual rihla never ends...

Assalam Alaykum wa rahmatullah!
Bismillah al-Rahman al-Raheem
Bismillah wa salaatu wa salaam `ala Rasulillah
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May His peace and blessings be upon the last prophet and messenger.

May Allah bestow light to the left of us, to the right of us, above us, below us, within us, on our tongue, in our eyes, in our hearts...

Alhamdulillah I have made it back "home"-- rather back to Upland. Physically I am here, but spiritually and mentally, my heart and soul remains in Madinah and Mecca. As Imam Zaid put it, our physical rihla--or journey-- has ended, but our spiritual journey, which is the journey of an entire lifetime to Allah, never ends.

I long and pray that Allah invites me back to the two blessed cities, because the feeling and experience I have felt there is something I yearn for, and they are feelings no one can experience unless there are in those two cities, and alhamdulillah, Allah has made those feelings so special that they can ONLY be felt in Madinah and Mecca, subhanAllah. I and other students discussed how much we want to retain the knowledge, implement it all into action, and constantly feel what we felt-- the peace, the tranquility, the love for the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wa salaam, and Allah; however, Imam Zaid recommended that we shouldn't be disappointed with ourselves that we don't retain everything, because in reality we won't; but we have to strive to implement the knowledge into action so that this physical rihla impacts and strenghtens our spiritual rihla.

When I was in Madinah, I found my true home; and upon returning to my house in California, I now feel estranged. This to me is how we should all feel in this world-- we are strangers in this world, and we should know that our true home is in the Hereafter. Verily, that is where our souls were created, and thus our souls and hearts should yearn to return to our real home-- to our Lord. In Mecca as well, I felt at peace. We were only there for 3 days, but subhanAllah, spending time in front of the ka`bah was an experience that inshaAllah I will never forget.

There is so much to say, and insha'Allah I will be posting up some of my journal reflections I had written during my time away (rather my time at my real home in Madinah), as well as pictures of sacred sites. Alhamdulillah, we were so blessed to visit sites that no one visits, that barely any people know of, and we were able to learn about the significances of all these places.

I would have to say that this rihla has had a very big impact on my perspective on everything, and the one thing it has really contributed towards is my immense amount of love for the beloved of Allah, the prophet sallalahu `alayhi wa salaam, as well as our Gracious Lord. SubhanAllah how much the prophet peace be upon him has done for us, and how much he has prayed for us. Similarly we should be grateful to our Lord for all the bounties He has bestowed upon us. The first time I saw the ka`bah I forgot about everything-- all the stress and anxieties that I faced, I forgot about everything I wanted to pray for; things I thought I "needed"; all I could think of is what immense blessings Allah has bestowed upon me and how much I want to please Him, how much I yearn for Him, how much I wished that He would also come closer to me.

That's all for now, but inshaAllah I will try to keep this up and going...